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Have
you ever noticed yourself resisting feeling compassion for someone you
felt had wronged you somehow in the past? I know I have. When I first
began doing Core Value work and learning the technique of emotional
regulation, I felt as if my feelings of compassion for the person that
had hurt me would make their behavior acceptable. I thought if I felt any
sort of compassion for the person I was saying they had the
"right" to hurt me. In fact, I couldn't have been more wrong.
Feeling compassion for someone that has hurt you does not justify their
behavior at all. Rather, it allows you to reconnect with your core value,
and heal from the hurt they've inflicted. Remaining resentful towards
them goes against who you are as a person, disconnecting you from your
core value and ultimately hurting you more.
In
fact, compassion is your best defense! It restores your core value, which
is depleted with anger and resentment, and takes away the power of the
other person to hurt you. When you are strongly connected with your core
value, the actions of others won't hurt you or make you feel "less
than". The law of positive reciprocity tells us that rarely will
compassion stimulate anger in others, reducing the risk of harmful or
destructive behavior.
When
you disagree with someone, compassion is the best way to find resolution.
We become angriest and most hurt when we feel misunderstood or
disregarded. Compassion allows us the ability to make a sincere effort to
understand each other's perspective. With compassion, while we may still
be disappointed if we can't find a resolution, we won't feel disregarded
or unimportant.
This
spring, I encourage you to think of an incident when someone you love has
angered or hurt you. Connect with who you are as a person, feeling your
core value and self worth. Then, try to feel compassion towards that
person. Don't excuse their behavior, but feel compassion that they must
be hurting in order to behave that way. You might be surprised at how
good you feel after that exercise. You'll find out you've had the power
within to feel better about the situation all along...no matter what they
do or say!
Upcoming Events:
"RECLAIM YOUR POWER: A seminar to nurture your
spirit" March
27, 6-9:00pm, Sedona, AZ. Click here for details.
Valuable Resources:
"How to Improve Your Marriage Without
Talking About It: Finding Love Beyond Words" by Patricia
Love, Ed.D and Steven Stosny, Ph.D
"You Don't Have to Take it Anymore: Turn
Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a
Compassionate, Loving One" by Steven Stosny, PhD.
"Manual of the Core Value Workshop" by
Steven Stosny, PhD.
CORE Value, Inc. provides personal and corporate
training about reconnecting with core value and learning emotional
regulation, empowering you in both your work and home life to live without
anger and resentment and with a strong sense of self.
For information about the services we
provide, visit our website: www.yourcorevalue.com.
All materials of CORE Value, Inc. are based on the work of Dr. Steven
Stosny of
www.compassionpower.com.
CORE Value, Inc will never resell email
addresses, and will only send newsletters to prior clients and those who
have opted to receive them. To opt
out of receiving these newsletters, simply email: optout@yourcorevalue.com
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